Pain, hurt and loss affect us to our core. We replay our painful experiences on a continuous loop in our minds. We wish the outcome had been different--that he would have loved us more or that they wouldn’t have abused us. But no matter how good we get at masking the pain, our wounds haven’t even begun to heal.
All that happened in your past was damaging, but it resides in the past. As we cling to feelings of being unworthy, unlovable or damaged, we invite experiences into our lives that mirror these negative self beliefs.
No matter what you try, the painful memories weigh you down. But today this changes. It is within your power to stop the destruction and change the stories in your head.
Use these 3 ways to acknowledge your pain and stop beating yourself up inside.
1. Overcome By Your Testimony
Tell the truth about what happened to you, it’s long overdue. Stop lying about the depth of your pain. Let your guard down to those you love. Take off the masks you wear and be real--imperfections and all.
Your testimony about your past will break through that roadblock in your soul. Studies have shown that the more truth we tell the less mental stress and health problems we encounter.
The truth really will set you free.
2. Change Your Self Talk
People learn to treat us by how they see us treating ourselves. Talk so good about you that others know how it should be done!
Healing comes from what you choose to say and believe about yourself. Though we never learned how to speak kindly to ourselves in the past, it is never too late to change our story. Challenge yourself to use “positive self talk”, that is words and phrases which inspire and motivate you, to heal those broken parts in your heart. Instead of saying, “but you aren’t good enough”, for example, immediately turn that to, “look at all that you have done with so little to start.”
3. Turn Your Story Around
Pursue what you do well and devote your mental energy to those passions. Our internal voice changes in response to our commitment to positive growth. The strong counselor who listens compassionately to others isn’t doomed to repeat a cycle of abuse. A dedicated painter can start to free himself from the agony of abandonment by channeling his pain onto the canvas. Immerse yourself in activities that highlight your creativity and inspire you to enjoy life. The internal abuse will cease once you powerfully live each day guided by what you love--not what you are trying to hide.
Don’t waste another second beating yourself up inside. You have seen enough. You have been through enough. Leave the past in the past and become the stronger you who’s always been inside.
T.D. Jakes is a charismatic leader, visionary, provocative thinking, entrepreneur and compassion humanitarian with a voice that has reverberated from the world's most prominent stages. His look at life comes from the perspective of a father, a student, a pastor and a friend. His daytime talk show will be premiering this fall across the nation. Follow @tdjakesshow on Twitter!
