Jaycee Dugard published her first memoir, A Stolen Life, in 2011, recounting what it was like to be kidnapped and held in captivity for 18 years. The book, much like her reunion with her family, captured audiences and peaked at No. 2 on USA TODAY’s Best-Selling Books.
On Tuesday, five years to the day after her first book was published, Dugard released Freedom: My Book of Firsts, which tells the next part of the story. The one in which she revels in her life after rescue.
Dugard recounts experiences we might take for granted — driving, a plane ride, the privilege of attending her sister's wedding. "These seemingly small moments are actually all very significant," she writes. "Each one has helped me define within myself who I am now."
Her tone is refreshingly modest and optimistic. "People tell me I am strong, brave, etc," writes Dugard. "To be honest, I usually just tell myself I am lucky. How funny is that to think I'm lucky after everything I've been through."
But her past had an understandable effect on her psyche. Once, while she was traveling alone, her flight was cancelled late at night. While in a cab en route to a hotel, Dugard began to grow wary.
"After what felt like hours of riding in a stranger's cab, I thought to myself, 'Where is he taking me? Does he know where to go? Is he taking me somewhere to rape and kill me?...' I gave myself permission to have all these thoughts because I felt like if I thought about all the things that could happen, then they wouldn't. It's the things you don't think about that get you."
And while in New York City to accept an award, Dugard admits she would've loved to explore the city, but she was "too cautious." "Being a prisoner does funny things to the mind; feeling like you just can’t take risks is one of them," writes Dugard.
She confesses that at times, her freedom is still hard to fully grasp. "Some days I still feel like I'm living a dream and I will wake up and the nightmare that was my prison will be my reality and all this will be gone."
After her rescue, Dugard founded The Just Ask Yourself to Care (JAYC) Foundation and is its current president. The organization aims to help families in periods of transition, help students develop empathy, and "increase the awareness skills and broaden the perspectives of law enforcement personnel." (Dugard filed a lawsuit against the federal government alleging it played a part in her kidnapping.)
She is also passionate about ridding the world of the "degrading" term Stockholm syndrome. "It makes all I went through seem insignificant and boils it down to 'You loved your captor, therefore, you never wanted to be free' or somehow you were stupid enough to confuse abuse with love," Dugard writes.
"Phillip was good at making me feel sorry for him," she proclaims. "He was a seasoned manipulator. I was a naïve girl... I was alone. Completely. Years passed—years of abuse physically, verbally, and emotionally. I adapted to survive. We all can learn to adapt to survive. It's in our genes."
Dugard said she doesn't "wallow in self-pity," contemplate the "'what ifs of life," or live in a state of rage when it comes to her captors. "That's the choice I have made," she reveals. "It doesn't make sense to me to get angry and stay that way. I don't want to be a mad, angry person."
Freedom: My Book of Firsts is currently available where books are sold.
