You know the Rodney Dangerfield line, "I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out?"
It's time to update that old chestnut, something along these lines: "I went to a hockey game the other night and a NASCAR race broke out."
In a blatant attempt to boost ratings and keep the blood-thirsty portion of its fan base happy, NASCAR is in the process of losing its mind.
It's fight night seemingly every few weeks now in the tense final days of stock car racing's playoffs. Last month, the normally mild-mannered Matt Kenseth attacked the not-so-mild-mannered Brad Keselowski between two huge hauling trucks after a race in Charlotte, putting Keselowski in a headlock before they were separated.
It was a maneuver that he could have learned from a fifth-grade bully on a school playground. Why, exactly, were they fighing in this manner? They were mad at each other after a series of contentious encounters in their cars on the track that day.
Just last weekend in Texas, it got worse. After getting out of their cars on pit road, Kevin Harvick pushed Keselowski toward Jeff Gordon, who grabbed Keselowski's collar after the two exchanged angry words. Crew members piled into what quickly became quite a melee, leaving both Gordon and Keselowski bloodied.
This brouhaha occurred after Keselowski, racing for the lead, tried to force his way between Gordon and eventual winner Jimmie Johnson. In the process, Gordon got a flat tire, wrecked his car and finished 29th, seriously damaging his hopes for a fifth NASCAR title.
We can all understand why Gordon was angry, but seeing him — a cool California pitch-man — in a NASCAR fight at this stage of his illustrious career is a bit jarring, kind of like if Wayne Gretzky had decided to become a goon as his playing days waned.
The punishment for this ridiculous behavior from grown multimillionaires was telling. None of the drivers received the slightest penalty. Not a thing. Two crew chiefs were fined and four crew members were suspended. That's it.
Back in 2006, Gordon shoved Kenseth after Kenseth ran into him during a race in Bristol. For his actions then, Gordon received a $10,000 fine and five months' probation.
Now, shoving is allowed, and, apparently, even encouraged. You actually have to throw a punch to get in serious trouble with NASCAR these days. Anything less, and, well, boys will be boys, so bring it on.
What we have here, unfortunately, is a sport trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator among us. And for what? For TV ratings, that's what.
In a desperate attempt to keep its audience and stay relevant in an always challenging sports marketplace, NASCAR has decided to return to its duking-it-out, Yarborough-Allison, run-to-the-TV-to-see-who-is-hitting-whom roots. Of eight Chase for the NASCAR Sprint Cup races so far this year, ratings in six of them are either equal to last year, or down.
So, if the pushing and shoving and choke holds come, and of course they will, let 'em come. That's what NASCAR is clearly saying. It's a gamble — a big one — that this won't turn off sponsors. It's hard to imagine a mainstream company flocking to NASCAR to sponsor a donnybrook, but perhaps NASCAR knows something we don't.
There's no doubt that a rip-roaring, daredevil spirit lives on inside NASCAR, something we've all marveled about over the years. Yet that can also come across as bad judgment. We saw that last month with the one man who simply could not afford to be near even the briefest of altercations: Tony Stewart.
Exonerated after he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr. in August, Stewart was barely back racing again when Keselowski inadvertently hit his rear bumper while chasing after Kenseth in the Charlotte incident in October.
One might think at that moment that Stewart would have thought about all that he had been through the past couple of months and just taken the hit and moved on. But no. This is NASCAR, and the drivers can't help themselves.
Stewart stopped his car, put it into reverse and rammed into Keselowski, destroying the front end of his car.
And on and on it goes.
PHOTOS: Brawl after NASCAR race at Texas
